Friday, September 18, 2009

Dream: This is no place like home

I was at a party given by my parents, but the trailer was nothing like it used to be. The rooms were dark and different, as though they had been rebuilt within a different shell. The main room now sported an impossible cathedral ceiling that made it feel oppressive instead of open and airy. My closet, although full of scattered boxes, was much bigger than my bedroom and was covered with black paper. Despite its crammed space, it had become the focal point of the party.

I saw my dad from behind, staggering as though he were drunk. As he never drank, I suspected he was gravely ill and tried to catch up to him to help him, but he somehow kept eluding me like an illusion.

Something was terribly wrong with my world, and I was frightened.

3 comments:

  1. I want to make a comment, but I hope you take it constructively. I like your style. Your imagery is great, but your execution is slightly pretentious. Less is more. You say things like "Adams wrote prodigious numbers of letters" If he writes a number of letters it's understood to be prodigious, and "They don't aspire to wealth, at least for now." If they don't aspire to wealth, one would assume that it's now.

    Take this for what it's worth. Maybe nothing.

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  2. I always appreciate constructive criticism. I think I can justify the two examples, though.

    I write a number of letters. It's a vague amount, but indicates several at least. But John and Abigail Adams wrote enormous (prodigious) numbers of letters, thousands of them. If I recall, no one's ever gone through them in entirety because there are so many. I wanted to convey what prodigious signifies: Amazing, vast, impressive, extraordinary. I get cramps just thinking about it.

    The men don't aspire to wealth now, but it occurred to me that that's a logical next step. If they achieved the comfort of the middle class, aspiration to wealth would naturally follow, even if it hadn't occurred to them yet. I wanted to indicate that, at least for now, they're not going for it. But they will, most likely.

    I found Mary Barton difficult to review.

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  3. And thanks for stopping by. I plead too much fondue as an excuse for my lack of manners. :)

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