Wednesday, December 19, 2007

2007 in review

Each year is good, bad, or indifferent in its way. Some are memorable for the number or depth of happy or unhappy events, for example, weddings, births, deaths. Others pass without leaving an impression. For most of 2007 I have felt stressed and stuck, yet at the same time I have discovered emotional resources within myself that were not available before. Perhaps finding them is part of the wisdom of age.

I am not sure why, but I have a sense that flatness of feeling, which sometimes seems a curse, sometimes a blessing, is the best coping mechanism that I have.

The good

My friends who tolerate my sadness and my odd sense of hopelessness, even when they are at their worst.

My home, where the views of the water and the moon are therapeutic and at times inspirational.

My dreams, which, although never satisfying, help me to experience a shadow of the wonderful feelings and sensations of the past and to understand my present-day desires.

My opportunities, such as going to the Renaissance Faire, White Fence Farm, and Waterfall Glen.

My rare encounters with nature, such as seeing hundreds of fireflies like jewels in the woods at Waterfall Glen, watching two tiny and friendly rabbits grow into aloof adulthood, and lying with held breath as red admirals alighted fearlessly on my ankle and arm.

My health—several age-related issues, but oddly at some point in the past few years I've become so used to a certain level of pain that I don't remember life without it.

My employment means I'm self-supporting and can afford a few comforts.

The bad

Issues at work, the source of much stress. On the positive side, at least I have plumbed certain traits in myself, including a combination of idealism and grim determination. On the negative, I have a sense that this changes and lessens me somehow.

My fears and lack of will that keep me from finding or making bends in the road (from the Anne of Green Gables series). I must find resolve soon.

A lack of purpose that keeps me adrift in a day-to-day existence without meaning or joy.

Personal setbacks that have squeezed some, even much, of the meaning from life. It can become a downward spiral if I lose control, which is a constant possibility.

With all of the professional and personal problems killing me slowly, 2007 has been a year to forget. For now, I hope 2008 is a year to remember—for the best reasons.

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