Saturday, April 14, 2007

Dream: Confession of love and a small death

I seemed to be at a school when I was told that one of the actuary partners from my former firm wanted to see me. He came along, and we were looking for a quiet place to talk. There was a stage in a dark room, but people were rehearsing under it. In the meantime, I thought he was going to confess his attraction to me, which in the dream I desired. We finally settled somewhere that also seemed dark, but it could not have been quiet because his eyes kept following thee actions of children, including his own, who were going into and coming out of a store nearby. The big secret that he wanted to share with me in private and that gave him life for a change was that my interests had inspired him to make a donation or start an endowment at the zoo.

Afterward, I found myself with a small, white, mouse-like animal in my hand. At first I thought it was dead, but it gave signs of being alive yet sluggish. I set it down and to my horror my friend's cocker spaniel (long since gone) picked it up in his mouth. I said something about "the dog," which offended her and her family because I didn't use his name.

I recovered the little white creature, which still seemed unreal to me; it was so solid. It was no longer moving at all and seemed truly dead. I tried putting it into a dishpan of water to see if that would revive it. My grief grew, as did my denial that the case was hopeless. Then I did not know what to do with the body and was reluctant to do anything for fear that it was still alive.

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